Paradox of Perception: Stereotyping of teen girls leads to doubt in how they present themselves or what hobbies they’re into

Wearing my hair in a low ponytail and dressing in a graphic T-shirt from my childhood swim team left me isolated with a tiny friend group for my elementary years. But as I finish up my sophomore year of high school, I’m no longer just criticized for what I wear to school, I’m criticized for every decision I make.

You like Billie Eilish? Well, you’re sad. You wear baggy clothing? Take off some of those layers, you’re not feminine enough. You play video games? Get up off your butt and do something productive.

I could make a change to myself every day of my life and I would never escape the paradox of stereotypes projected onto me. Nobody my age can — especially not a teenage girl such as myself. Teen girls can’t escape the internalized misogyny and ageism of society, making it difficult for us to be free from pressure, social norms and stereotypes. Bringing attention to how confining these judgments are is an integral part when it comes to diminishing the levels of hate on teen girls.

Simple actions like greeting someone can be written off as “desperate,” but saying nothing makes you rude and distant. Having confidence in yourself makes you self-absorbed, but being the opposite makes you unattractive and closed off. Every one of our characteristics can be twisted around to suppress and label us in order to prove we’re not good enough for the “standard.”

In an article by writer Jessica Pishko called, “Why Teenage Girls Are Everything That We Love To Hate,” she describes the teenage girl as someone who is “penetrated on all sides by consumerist culture and patriarchy.”

With the constant influence of that consumerist culture, it reaches the people that are most connected to it — those people generally being teenagers. Pair that with misogyny and you get a storm of hate along with a negative perception that is equally as damaging as the ever-growing problem of beauty standards.

I can vouch for the legitimacy of these judgments — I’ve been told I look “gay” more times than I can remember. At first it really didn’t bother me, but when my friends started saying it, this forced perception by society left me believing it too. Soon enough I thought everyone believed it.

Did they say it because of the clothes I chose to wear? How I did my hair? How I presented myself? The only reason I could think of as to why I cared so much was because this separated myself from other girls my age. I don’t want to be like everyone else, but I couldn’t help but wonder if I would be happier being like the “other girls.”

The problem with that mindset is there are no “other girls.” Most all of them feel the same way as I do. No one can avoid the crippling critiques of society’s norms and standards.

The concept of “other girls” ingrains in people’s minds that there is only one way to be an “average” girl. Wear makeup, dress feminine, have long hair and be into reality TV shows and pop artists. Over the years, trend after trend has created this idea of an “average teen girl.

Of course teens are most connected to those trends, making them main targets of stereotyping, and when they resembled this idea of an “average girl,” they were named as “basic.” As the stereotype “basic girl” began growing, women and girls who didn’t “fit” this category felt like outsiders compared to the rest.

If you were identified as a “basic girl,” wearing leggings and sweatshirts and spending your time glued to your phone, then you’d be judged for your lack of individuality. If you weren’t a “basic girl,” then you would be judged for being weird or different. There is simply no escape from the paradox of judgment.

Adults are also guilty of unknowingly reinforcing this concept of “other girls.” In my early teen years, the adults in my life made me believe I needed to be as different from my peers as possible to stand out and be my own person. When adults would compliment my “uniqueness” from other girls my age, I would take that as a sign I was doing the right thing with anything from academics to humor.

In reality, nobody truly fits that category because boxing someone into a type means they can’t have qualities outside the fixed set that they’ve been given. But it’s not as simple as choosing to not judge someone based on their appearances.

Judgment at first glance is the most basic form of first impressions, even if it’s not a conscious feeling. Of course, it can be a helpful tool in potentially threatening situations, but using it on a non-threatening teenage girl is the first step of stereotyping and quick judgment.

Most often, that method is unsuccessful in decoding a true reflection of character. Why should we continue to use it if it only spreads unjustified hate and discernment? Not only does this prolong the criticism of teen girls, but actively influences the girl to question and change herself for other people.

After some time, I started to change myself by habit to fit in with the people around me. I actively questioned whether I should be doing something different, even if nothing hinted toward them not liking me. Eventually, I stopped talking to new people and stuck with the ones I knew I didn’t need to change for, reinforcing a flight response for something that sometimes wasn’t even there.

Many teen girls have developed awful self-image from all of this judgment. We try to change to fit into what is deemed “perfect,” but that only leads to more severe problems of mental health anxiety, depression and eating disorders.

Society doesn’t have to rely on these outdated categories that are used to limit people’s abilities and qualities. There’s no reason to suppress young women, who are fully capable of being individual and characteristic in their own exceptional ways.

Once I questioned if I was part of the problem, I was able to make a change with how I approach stereotyping and judgment. Asking yourself that same question is a great start, as well as being able to notice when someone else is doing it. Being open-minded and nice sounds basic, but makes a world of a difference for someone struggling with the effects of this overused and unnecessary thought process.