Miranda Liberda: Harbinger became my place in high school I thought I’d never find

Towards the end of sophomore year, I was sitting on senior Harper Beck’s couch, half-listening as everyone around me talked about their extracurriculars. One of my friends played tennis and soccer, the other was in yearbook and another was a state champion in debate, but they all treated it like nothing.

The conversation bounced around the room, filled with accomplishments and purpose. 

I nodded and pretended to relate, but in reality, I wasn’t a part of anything.

High school, and ultra qualified friends makes you feel like you’re supposed to know exactly what you like by freshman year. Just like everyone else, just figure it out, and if you don’t, you’re already behind. 

Before I joined Harbinger, I was on the debate team. On paper it sounded perfect. It was competitive, academic and something that looked impressive to brag about and put on college applications. I wanted it to work so badly, I wanted to feel like I deserved to be there. But it never felt right. It felt like everyone already knew each other and understood how everything worked, and I was just there taking up space.

And honestly, it made me feel dumb, like I was just the bottom of the barrel.

I started second-guessing everything. I would sit and listen to other people speak so confidently, so quickly and wonder why I couldn’t do the same. It stopped feeling like a place to learn and started feeling like a place where I was constantly trying to prove my intelligence.

Eventually, I dreaded doing anything related to debate, not because I didn’t care, but because I cared too much about something that made me feel so small.

Then I learned about The Harbinger.

My friend Mya Smith joined during her sophomore year. Before that, we would bond over the fact that we didn’t feel like we had a place at SM East. I never considered joining Harbinger before because journalism didn’t seem like a career I wanted to be in. It seemed like just another thing that I would be bad at. But when Mya had nothing but good things to say about the paper and the group of people, I decided to apply, and there has never been a time where I've never felt like enough or not good enough.

From the very first time meeting the staff in Dallas for the journalism conference, I already felt welcomed with open arms.

And that was enough.

The Harbinger became the one place in high school where I felt like I actually had a purpose. I had something to contribute. My voice and my ideas mattered in a way I hadn't felt before, and people listened.

Looking back at that night on Harper’s couch, I wish I could tell myself that it’s okay to not have it all figured out right away. Sometimes you have to try the wrong things before you find the right ones, and I hope that is a trait I can hold onto while going into college.