There’s no denying it – isolation sucks. My instant quarantine fix? Bon Appétit’s YouTube series “Gourmet Makes.”

For me, byproducts of depression come and go — not being able to get out of bed, having a hard time taking care of myself and feeling disconnected from the things that make me enjoy life. Quarantine is keeping me from the things that typically allow me to reset — working out, going to school, seeing friends. 

But I’ve found something that gives me an overwhelming sense of relief. Some people choose to meditate, some opt for long runs and almost everyone on TikTok seems to be baking. 

My instant therapy? Watching Bon Appétit’s “Gourmet Makes” series on YouTube.

Bon Appétit’s channel documents the activity and experiments of professional chefs in their test kitchen, all working to develop and perfect recipes to go in Bon Appétit’s magazine. “Gourmet Makes” is hosted by pastry chef Claire Saffitz, her objective in each 30-45 minute episode being to make a gourmet version of a popular snack food or candy from scratch. 

I found the show around November after seeing TikToks of people going mad over their love for Claire. Curious as to what all the hype was about, I hopped over to YouTube and became entranced with Claire’s smart humor and the show’s brilliant editing, documenting the three to four day process of Claire testing out different methods of recreation. Even though “Gourmet Makes” episodes are lengthy, I found myself devoting every ounce of attention to Claire as she stumbles through ingredient lists and spends hours attempting excellence.

Like a stuffed animal from your childhood or a book you know inside and out, the joy I’m overcome with as the sound of a new “Gourmet Makes” video starts is all-consuming. “Hey everyone, I’m Claire, I’m in the BA Test Kitchen, and today we’re making gourmet…” No song sounds as sweet, no poem could be as pretty, no movie could be as moving. It’s the “we” that stands out to me — I’m not alone, I’m not isolated. I crave that feeling now more than ever. 

I can, however, say I know exactly why people love Claire. I’ve always been drawn to passionate people, and Claire’s quick thinking, ingenuity and ability to recover from failure inspire me — even though I’m sure some are just there for her contagious smile and quick wit.

Before the coronavirus, “Gourmet Makes” was just a vessel for procrastination. The ping of a “new episode” notification on my phone comes with the anticipation of Claire’s latest project, paired with excitement when I see the video is over 40 minutes — more Claire content, more Phoebe contentment.

But as I’ve been stuck in my house with my family for the past month — d*mn, even saying that makes me wanna crawl into a hole — “Gourmet Makes” has been something that brings me comfort, even on the third viewing of an episode. 

I shamefully love when Claire’s enthusiasm is crushed by hypercritical chef Chris Morocco. I live for the laugh-out-loud commentary of chef Brad Leone, the Andy Dwyer of the test kitchen. I feel empathetic for Claire’s constant exasperation while tempering chocolate. And nothing is more comedic than hearing Claire end day two of a project completely confident, and me seeing there’s 30 minutes left to the episode.

Even more so than the inside jokes I feel I have with the entire test kitchen, it’s the sense of community I experience. Like, yeah, okay, bonding with a bunch of adult chefs I’ve never met is a little bit lame, but we’re all stuck in our houses alone — and it’s not like I’m talking to myself in the mirror or anything…yet. 

“Gourmet Makes” helps me in ways beyond just some quarantine company — in all honesty, it’s escapism. It’s not that I even have some major passion for cooking. But given the times, watching videos where life was normal, chefs could go to work and New York City — where Bon Appétit is based — wasn’t in quarantine is incredibly soothing. As I watch, I almost feel as though I’m in the test kitchen with Claire, so much so that I almost forget I’m really in my twin bed in Prairie Village.

Bon Appétit has even helped me in my efforts to have a healthier relationship with food and eating. It’s hard to peel myself out of bed to make lunch, and even more so to actually prepare something that isn’t just a rice cake with peanut butter. Okay, maybe Claire’s confectionary creations are near impossible to recreate in a home kitchen, but Associate Food Editor Andy Baraghani’s low-cal pesto pasta only takes me 15 minutes to make. 

And furthermore, it’s kind of silly, but seeing people who’ve worked hard enough that their effort pays off, allowing them to have their dream jobs, is really motivating for me. I mean, Claire went to Harvard. Harvard! She’s not a rocket engineer, but watching her talk about macromolecules and glucose chain expansion with Brad in the fermentation series “It’s Alive! with Brad” makes science sound…cool? 

I totally get that it’s not that deep and I’m probably one of the few viewers who takes all that away from the show, but I’m not ashamed about how much I care. If your nerdy, micro-therapy works, it works, and “Gourmet Makes” really works for me. Not everyone will stumble on a YouTube series that’ll change their life, but it’s so worth it to have an unwavering source of happiness in your life. Something that’s yours, something no one — and no pandemic — can take away from you.