Hi. It’s me again, your (unofficial, official) guide to following the unwritten rules of flying — the rules that say it’s not OK to leave your window shade open when the sun is blazing and to share your armrest if you want to be considered a decent human being. After my weekend trip to Boston, I feel the need to update my list because there are still some folks out there who think they can fit their souvenir-stuffed Vera Bradley duffle under the seat in front of them (spoiler alert: you can’t, and your bag was hitting my legs for the entirety of the flight.)
There’s a reason I called my mom five times to make sure she checked me into my Southwest flight: boarding group A. They’re the elite — the ones who get the window seat or the extra-leg room in aisle one. Since Southwest has open seating, one letter can alter your whole flight experience (boarding group C’ers get stuck with the middle seats or emergency exit rows.)
But, some travellers completely disregard the fact that their boarding position is C 43 and line up with the A group. We earned that boarding position by waking up early or paying extra money for check-in, so back off and wait for the overly cheerful gate attendant to call your group.
HEADPHONES IN, CHATTER OFF
To the lady who offered me gum on my 6 a.m. flight, thanks but no thanks. Couldn’t you tell by the bags under my eyes and the AirPods in my ears that it was not a spearmint type of morning?
In her defense, my hair was down and might have covered the tiny, white headphone in my ear, but still. If someone has their Beats on and their eyes closed then chances are they don’t want to help you figure out what 16 across is on the crossword puzzle. So the next time you see headphone cords hanging down from your travel buddy’s head, keep the chatter to a minimum, because there’s a reason they chose to tune out everything around them.