What Are We? A Look Into Relationships of Our Generation

‘So, are you guys a thing now?’

The texts began to roll in from my friends the morning after I hung out with my now-boyfriend for the first time. Suddenly, the thing I was so excited about turned into something stressful — I didn’t know what to call our relationship. What does he think we are? Does he want commitment, and do I? What is a “thing” anyway? And how am I supposed to know after one date?

We have created too many terms for such a common occurrence — two people getting to know each other and figuring out if it’s worth building a relationship. The most common of these unnecessary labels is a “thing,” which can range from being an exclusive couple or two people who are casually talking. Having so many different titles can cause an immense amount of unnecessary pressure on people to figure out what their relationship is with someone. There’s no reason to have an array of labels to pick from when you’re in a relationship.

The labels we use like “having a thing” or “talking” make things more casual. If someone wants to drop off the map or ghost someone, having these labels makes it so much easier. I’ve heard the same excuse from guys I’ve talked to over and over: “We weren’t serious.” Sticking a casual label onto something gives people a free pass out of a relationship when things get too serious for them.

The first to blame for the confusion and lack of commitment is Snapchat. Pictures disappear after a certain amount of time unlike texting, so people feel a certain amount of confidence to say whatever they want. For someone who’s shy like me, texting someone over Snapchat and admitting my feelings, knowing it will go away once the time runs out, is easier than knowing they can keep a hard copy. While the app is a great way to connect with people, the lack of in-person communication between two people can lead to extreme confusion, and hiding behind the screen gives people an easy chance to have no strings attached.

Having interchangeable titles not only confuses people that are asking about a relationship, but it can also cause confusion between the couple themselves. Casually hooking up with someone at a party can cause a spiral of confusion and questions from people you’re friends with, but mostly with yourself and the other person. Will a relationship come from it, or will it just end up being yet another hook up at another basement party? Having social media and not being forced to discuss these things in person can cause them to go unresolved, leaving both people wondering what is going on.

There can also be a certain amount of insecurity when it comes to the titles people put on their relationships. We’ve all been there — you like someone but can’t get the nerve to ask them if they like you back because you don’t want to come off as clingy. Or someone Snapchats you a picture of their face instead of the usual picture of the ceiling and you think maybe they want to marry you. Because the titles that we’ve created can mean so many different things, it’s almost as if you need an instruction manual to interpret what kind of relationship you’re in.

From what I’ve seen at school and among my friends, over time, commitment has become more and more scarce in high school. Although there’s nothing wrong with having no commitment, it can become confusing with the lingo we have created. Not knowing if you are a thing, casually hooking up or in an exclusive relationship can cause more stress than my chemistry tests. This could be completely avoided if our generation just discussed these things upfront.

What two people are to each other is up to them to decide, and creating an agenda with multiple titles and levels of seriousness is completely unnecessary. Labeling a relationship has morphed into something thought-consuming, when in reality, having a relationship with someone should be easy going and care free.