Under Pressure: Don’t give into pressure to be like your older siblings because you won’t have the opportunity to find things you truly enjoy

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always wanted to be like my two older siblings. I watched my sister cheer from the bleachers and cherished the times when my brother let me hang out with him and his friends. I spent all of my childhood longing to be older so I could be exactly like them.

Initially, having them as role models felt like winning the lottery. I mean, who wouldn’t want a roadmap highlighting all of the opportunities to take advantage of and the missteps to steer clear of? 

But reality had a different plan. I started setting crazy expectations for high school, thinking I’d be this school-dance loving, party-hopping, weekend warrior. When that didn’t click, I was left grappling with a mix of sadness and frustration as I realized my high school experience wasn’t mirroring what I grew up watching.

Before I knew it, wanting to be like them turned into pressure to copy their every move.

Since my older brother aced calculus, I shouldn’t be struggling to find limits or derivatives. They both went to the University of Kansas — guess I have to go there too. And don’t even get me started on majoring in business — that’s practically a family tradition.

I’m in a never-ending loop of comparing my high school experiences to theirs, from ACT scores to 100 meter butterfly times. And even when I do achieve something, like an All American recognition at cheer camp or a first place journalism award, it feels like nothing compared to the promotions and scholarships they received. 

Everyone tells me that I’m so lucky to have older siblings to learn from. But after watching them for so long, everything I do carries a sense of déjà vu — like I’m reliving their experiences instead of making my own. I question if any moment is truly my own or merely a less-interesting version of their narrative. 

But I don’t need to be a replica of my siblings to be worthy or successful. It’s unfair to listen to criticism from myself or others that I’m not like my siblings. 

It’s frustrating how some people don’t see me as my own person, but rather an extension of my siblings. When I hear teachers compare me to my siblings, adults commenting on how much we look alike or college kids pressuring me to go to KU just like they did, I can’t help but want to feed into these assumptions. But there’s no need for me to listen to this. 

I didn’t realize that the experiences I’ve had that are different from my siblings — Harbinger deadlines, field trips to Timberridge with the social skills class and tumbling on the track in front of the student section at football games — are more valuable than simply trying to mimic their every move. As I’ve begun separating my life from theirs, I’ve realized there’s still plenty out there for me to experience.

They’ve achieved great things, and I applaud them for it. But it’s time for me to create my own experiences — accomplishments that I can call my own. It’s unfair for me to compare myself to them when we’re completely different people.

To any other younger siblings, don’t give in to pressure from yourself or others to mirror what your older sibling did. You aren’t defined by your siblings’ accolades, and it’s OK to want to have your own experiences. 

If you try too hard to be like your older siblings, you’ll lose your own personality and lack the opportunity to find things that you truly enjoy. Don’t be afraid to branch out because if you’re anything like me, you’ll be glad you did.