Author Spotlight
Chloe Stradinger
Youth Pastor–Tim Ciccone
How important and prevalent do you think teen sex is in our society today?
It’s very prevalent. I’ve been in youth ministry for 18 years and it’s one of the number one things we’ve talked about. I think it’s very difficult to be a teenager and not follow the pressure of having sex too early. And to me this is such a spiritual issue. The biggest problem that I see is that the church has pushed people away because they’ve taken such a legalistic approach to it and they’ve just said ‘don’t have sex because sex is bad’, but I don’t think that’s what God says at all. He says ‘wait to engage in this really beautiful thing’ and that context is marriage. I encourage our teenagers to wait, and it’s really a beautiful thing when you wait for the right reasons.
How do you address this issue in church?
We had a really good conversation in September about it. I think the conversation happens more on a small group basis, and we have a youth group who meets here on Sunday mornings and we went through a series of sex, dating and love. And my thing was, this isn’t about a list of do’s and don’ts. This is a conversation about living and who God is calling you to be. So for us, it’s this understanding that God created us really in three ways: He created the emotional side, the physical side and the spiritual side of who we are. But those things are all really interconnected. So when you talk about your sexual side, you can’t not talk about your spiritual side; those things are all really linked together. So a lot of times teenagers want me to give them a list of do’s and don’ts, you know, how far is too far. And I said, ‘I think the reality is, you’ve got to ask God ‘okay, what can I do to honor you with my body and with my life?’ Here’s one thing I challenge my teenagers to think about: the world has kind of devalued sexuality in the way that I think God created it to be. Because of movies, because of media, because of the way it is on the Internet, you’ve got people who take the specialness out of it, and it’s kind of an easy thing to give away. And I think God wants to reclaim that in people. I think teenagers need to reclaim that.
Couselor–Elizabeth Christian
Tell me about the psychological side of teen sex.
For some people, sex exists simply as nature’s way to continue the existence of our species, and as such, don’t believe that teens should participate in any part of it since they don’t need to procreate. Others tend to view it more in moral and value-related terms, and believe those who engage in sexual activity are of poor character and/or are sinful in nature. And there are others who view teen sexuality as recreational and expected, and that there’s no need to consider it much at all. I think it would be very, very helpful for teens in our country if we could all agree on 3 things: 1) The fact that teens are drawn to engage in sexual experiences has a biological basis—it’s as natural as anything else about us as humans. 2) Since it is natural, and a very real urge in teens, it is something that should be dealt with in very real and straightforward ways. 3) Since everybody is in charge of their own body, and teens have many things to consider if they’re going to engage in any kind of sexual activity, we should be finding more ways to get teens to think and talk about it more before they act on things. In my practice, I hear many stories about people acting on impulses when they aren’t so sure that it makes sense for them to engage in certain activities. I always want my clients to think through their own thoughts/feeling/beliefs/values related to different sexual things. I think it’s a really good thing when a teen is willing to think about it and consciously decide what they feel makes sense for them in general, so that they are clear when various opportunities present themselves. And, I don’t think that I, or anyone else, should decide for that person what makes sense for them and what they would be prepared for. The reason they should be so deliberate and thorough in making conscious decisions for themselves is because of the potentially difficult outcomes that they could experience. Not only can teens go through disappointment, sadness, hurt and shame after engaging in things they weren’t prepared for, but they can then also find themselves in situations where they’re being talked about negatively by their peers.
Overall, do you think teens engaging in sex is an important issue in our society?
I think we talk about it only after a girl gets pregnant. I think outside of that realm it becomes very difficult to discuss because there are so many varying opinions about it, especially these days. The traditional view is that [sex is] something sacred for two people who are married, which is probably an old standard. And of course somebody might jump on my case and say what do you mean an old standard?… it’s never gone away. But I think it has gone away. The permissiveness of what goes on in the media and the exposure that kids have to all these external opportunities, whether it’s movies or the Internet, I don’t think people view it in the same way.
Do you think the sex education students receive in high school is effective?
The sex education program in and of itself can be taught earlier, within reason of the mental development of a student’s mind. I do think there are things that could be done a little bit earlier that may become more detailed later on as a person progresses. Do I think it’s a necessity? Yeah, I think it’s a necessity. I think it’s good for kids to understand all aspects of what sex ed teaches but I also don’t think it should be taught with the old view of seeing it as something that’s ugly and shouldn’t be happening. I’m not saying it should be permissive–I think there should be substance in it. When I say substance, I mean I don’t believe in recreational teenage sex. I don’t believe in that at all. So you know, I think the whole society has changed and that permissiveness has drifted downward. I think surveys we see from kids are more realistic of the issue than what adults might want to believe from it because research does say kids are becoming more permissive. It may be the reason why the statistic that came out earlier this year for the first time that the U.S. is a country with the number of two parent families less than that of single parent families. Because it’s becoming more and more recreational that the fallout of having kids they don’t think about.
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