The Body Lab KC: an intensive workout experience

I can’t sneeze. I can’t laugh. I can barely hold a glass of water to my mouth — at least not without my entire torso feeling like it’s being stretched like gum. All thanks to the satisfyingly painful pilates class, “The Essentials,” offered at The Body Lab KC.

The Body Lab, in Town Center, offers workout classes combining pilates, cardio and weight training all practiced on the Megaformer — a contraption including a sliding platform connected to a solid one with attached bungee cords and armholds. Each customer performs squats, lunges and planks on their appointed pilates machine. Feeling the burn, this class offered an strenuous but gratifying experience.

My free first trial was introductory, but since I’d never taken a workout class in my life, I wanted to give up every second for 50 minutes straight. Being the only teenager in attendance, I thought I might have a youthful advantage — no stiff joints and maybe some leftover athleticism from JV tennis. But the moms decked out in Lululemon proved to be tougher, stronger — and much more toned. For this athletically apt group of people, I’m sure the class felt great, whereas I felt close to crumbling at each lunge hold.

I looked at my reflection in the floor-to-ceiling mirror to see if I was holding my V-up position correctly. From the way I was shaking, someone may have assumed the uber-toned woman to my right had a taser to my thigh. As I uncontrollably shook like a shake weight, the fit women around me held their legs at just the right angle. I wondered if the others were watching me and felt embarrassed, but I snapped out of it and realized the class was just challenging. If it wasn’t, it wouldn’t have been a good class.

“Now if you’ve had a C-section ladies, this position might hurt a bit!” the instructor warned through the speaker system.

It hurt for me too, but I had never experienced childbirth. The instructor circled around the Megaformers, checking everyone’s form. While every muscle in my body clenched to hold my one-legged plank, he asked me “You doing okay?” Undoubtedly purple in the face, I assured him I was doing great. I watched to see if he asked anyone else the same question. He didn’t.

In fact, some of the other women were even smiling. Megan in the pink tank top was on her sixth session. I overheard her cheerful and casual conversation with the instructor while I struggled to breath. But Megan’s superhuman endurance encouraged me. I found myself thinking I needed to return to Body Lab.

Maybe my experience is the same for every first-timer. And maybe if I was on my sixth session like Megan, I’d be smiling too. Since I had never been, Body Lab offered a free first class. If I continued, I imagine myself being just as toned as the rest. Based on the way I could barely sit up in bed the next day, the class was no doubt effective. And despite the momentary impairment, I was glad I had endured the class.

The Body Lab offers a range of classes and prices. The first session is free of charge and $35 for each following. After that, Body Lab offers monthly packages for more prices.

If I had the vigor and determination to compare with the other women in my class, I would purchase a package. Especially because I was sweatless — due to lack of extensive movement, thank god. My thighs may have felt liquified, but I wasn’t subjected to cardio — no running, no sit ups, no jumping jacks. Just agonizing muscle-toning positions that I held for eight seconds each.

The woman on the Megaformer to my right kept slapping her left thigh, no doubt because of the burning that I also felt in my leg. Once again, the instructor came back to check on me. “Everything goin’ good?” This time I was less able to smile and assure him how great I felt. I sputtered that, yeah, I was fine, trying to maintain my hold and prove my self worth.

For the more vigorous and determined, I recommend “The Essentials.” After the class I felt encouraged to go eat quinoa and a smoothie for lunch — the class already made me feel like a gym rat, in a good way. Admittedly, after an hour I found myself in the Panda Express drive thru. But I’d definitely say that a true workout guru would be able to handle what I found to be one of the most painstaking but worthwhile 50 minutes of my life.