Supplied by Myself: A special section

It was November — the second to last week before the end of the month. Her period should’ve been there.

God, please make it come. Please…

These thoughts and prayers cycled through then-junior Jane Walker’s* mind as she checked the Flo Period Cycle Tracker app on her phone. Her mind instantly went to the worst possible scenario for her — pregnancy.

Walker wasn’t on any form of birth control. She was three days late, and could feel the knifing cramps in her abdomen and the tenderness in her breasts, but still saw no signs of period blood. She began to believe that these were signs of a pregnancy.

Walker isn’t the only teen who’s experienced these thoughts. According a study done by Demographic Research where young women where observed over an 18-month period, it was found that 21% of unintended pregnancies happened after a pregnancy scare, and more than 40% of women who reported a pregnancy scare went on to experience an unintended pregnancy. Due to lack of sex ed, teenage pregnancy scares are real and life-altering — Walker’s case is just one of many. 

Walker had been in a committed relationship for around three months — and she was having unprotected sex — yet was too scared to go to her parents to ask for birth control or guidance in fear of their disapproval. Instead, she confided in her peers for counseling on her late period, all of whom told her she was fine and didn’t need a test or emergency contraceptive. 

This wasn’t Walker’s first scare. Intercourse with her partner began weeks before they started dating, and she’s had the same pregnancy-panic every time her period is a day late.

“Oh, I did [just] have unprotected sex, but I didn’t get pregnant,’” Walker thought to herself. “‘So if I just keep being a little bit safer, I don’t have to tell my mom yet to get me birth control.’ And it got a little out of control. So then November hit, and I was more late to my period than I was last time.”

During her three-day scare, her school days were spent going to the restroom every hour, checking for any sign of blood. Nothing.

“I was scared for my life,” Walker said. 

During that time, Walker and her partner were open with each other and had serious conversations about what would happen if she were pregnant. Even though she wasn’t on birth control, they tried to be safe, using condoms “most of the time.” For the times they didn’t, she was left checking her app and her underwear, praying for a miracle — which occurred when Walker got her period right before she planned to purchase a pregnancy test at her local CVS.

“I didn’t really think how serious it was, the three months when I wasn’t on birth control and how serious it could get from there,” Walker said. “So that really changed my brain and was like, ‘I cannot keep doing this to myself.’ I knew I had to get on the pill. I was stressed every month. I was stressed after every time we had sex.”

Walker assumed that if she asked her mom about birth control at such an early stage of her relationship, her mom would say no in hopes that restricting her from the pill would restrict her from having sex. Walker was having sex, and after her scare, she knew it was time to go to her parents and discuss her options — which was surprisingly easier than she had thought.

For Walker, part of the reason she experienced her scare was due to a lack of sex education at school. She thinks that if she would’ve been better informed on what to do when her period was late, or that her symptoms resembled that of pregnancy, she would’ve likely resorted to contraception methods such as Plan B One-Step — otherwise known as the morning-after pill — or been on a form of contraception in the first place.

“The school doesn’t really acknowledge relationships and our generation’s true actions, or physical features of a relationship in high school,” Walker said. “I think maybe the teachers could get more training on that and focus more on it. Even if it’s uncomfortable, talking to students about their options [is important].”

Everything Walker’s learned about sex ed while growing up has been through her parents, and to her surprise, when she told her mom she was having sex, her mom’s reaction was more calm and thankful than she had expected. Walker says that despite the tense feeling that comes with having the sex talk with parents, it’s necessary to students’ safety.

Walker’s hesitation to talk to her parents about sex is similar to many other teens: it’s awkward and uncomfortable. According to a survey done by Planned Parenthood, 50 percent of all teens feel uncomfortable talking with their parents about sex. Walker says her parents teach her more the emotional side of having sex, rather than the educational side.

While Walker understands that pregnancy scares are difficult to navigate, she believes talking to trusted students and adults, along with your significant other, is the most important aspect of navigating situations like her own — as long as there is honesty. 

“I think students need to be more honest with [people] and be like, ‘Jane, if you’re having sex a lot, you need to get on it — you need to get on birth control, because you don’t want to take that risk,’” Walker said. “And be more honest with each other, because this can really affect someone’s life in the end.”

As for senior Anne Jones*, pregnancy scares, pregnancy tests and Plan B’s weren’t just a once-in-a-while occurrence in her relationship and hookups.

Jones’s first pregnancy scare happened when she was 17-years-old, during what she thought was a lifelong relationship.

“I wasn’t on birth control at the time,” Jones said. “We were having sex and the condom broke, and we didn’t know until it was too late.”

She then took a Plan B, which would become a regular occurrence for her — taking at least two a month for multiple months in her relationship. Now, she realizes the long-term effects these pills can have on her body, such as affecting her hormones and future periods. Often after taking a Plan B, Jones said, she would have cramping and nausea. 

According to WebMD, Plan B One-Step contains a higher dose of levonorgestrel than in regular birth control pills, and is not recommended to be used as a main form of birth control due to the prolonged irregularities this pill may cause. As a result of her repeated use of Plan B, Jones doesn’t have a period to this day — something she believes could have been avoided if she’d had a better understanding of birth control.

“I probably took like 15-plus Plan B’s, and knowing what I know now, I would definitely not recommend that route, because they can affect your body,” Jones said. “That’s probably why my period stopped. I didn’t really have any education on how to handle those things. So Plan B is what we would turn to — it’s all I knew.” 

Jones second, more severe pregnancy scare occurred during an absence of her period for three-to-four months, most likely due to an overuse of morning-after pills. This time, she was only casually hooking up with the guy.  

“I was beyond scared that I genuinely was pregnant,” Jones said. “I took like four pregnancy tests. And the first test I took was a digital one, which I later found out [that] I took it wrong. So there were no results. And I thought that was a sign like, ‘Oh my God, I might be pregnant.’ And I literally almost had a panic attack. It was really stressful.”

Similar to Walker, Jones believes that a big part of why she’s had to take numerous pregnancy tests and Plan B’s is due to lack of knowledge on sex — including lack of conversations with her parents about sex and lack of education on how to prevent pregnancy in school. 

“Had I been better educated on sex at the time, I would have said no [to excessive Plan B taking, or unprotected sex], just because it’s [still] affecting my body today,” Jones said.

For Jones, the first step in combating the negative outlook on sex from older generations and bettering the education of teenagers on sex starts with having serious — and sometimes scary  — conversations with adults. 

“I took online health and all they did was say abstinence was key and sent me on my way,” Jones said. “I think the district definitely could at least teach people how to have safe sex, because it’s a lot more dangerous to send a bunch of high schoolers who probably aren’t talking to their parents about it out into the world not knowing a thing, than it is to just educate them. So at least if they’re doing it, they’re doing it safely.”

*names changed to protect identity 

LGBTQ+ students at East feel the current SMSD health curriculum lacks vital educational resources for the LGBTQ+ community.

SMSD high school students are required to pass a semster-long health course for graduation eligibility. While certain concepts of general sex education are briefly mentioned, this course lacks information pertaining to LGBTQ+ sex education.

Students have the option of taking either in-person or virtual health class where they spend six weeks learning various concepts such as health and wellness, mental health, nutrition and fitness, substance use, abuse and addiction. SMSD’s Assistant Director of Curriculum Kim Barney stated in an email that of the six units within the health curriculum, two units address relationships and human sexuality, as outlined in the Kansas Health Standards. 

When taking the district’s virtual health class his sophomore year, senior Sam Clark* obtained general knowledge about how to recognize symptoms of sexualy transmitted diseases, but was never taught how the diseases functioned. He wanted to learn more about ways to practice safe sex opposed to the main preventative method enforced in the curriculum — abstinence.

Although the curriculum acknowledges general topics like STI’s, STD’s and differing sexualities, students such as senior Elisa Byer feel the lack of discussion around safe sex leaves students to figure it out for themselves.

“I know so many gay guys who are confused on how to have safe sex and do things that straight people don’t really have to worry about,” Byer said “I honestly did not learn anything, I don’t even think my mom ever had ‘the talk’ with me. [LGBTQ+ sex] seems frowned upon to talk about, especially in public school.”

For students like Byer who never received a sex education talk at home, school can be the only exposure students have surrounding sex education. 

Unlike Byer, sophomore Josie Peterson* had multiple talks with her mother in regards to safe sex — between a male and female. But as she began to navigate her sexuality, she realized how little she knew about homosexuality. 

“Especially with girls, it’s harder to tell what is sex and what isn’t, considering most people are confused by it,” Peterson said. “I think they should educate a lot more on that. Especially for people who are transgender because that can also be confusing. Even if you are straight, they don’t really help you. They just tell you not to have sex and that doesn’t help anybody.”

In addition to seeking greater safe sex education for all sexualities, Clark wishes the district would eliminate stereotypes associated with gay people. During his virtual Health class his sophomore year, the only topic Clark remembered remotely related to gay sex education was HIV and AIDS. 

“Of course [HIV and AIDS are] attached to the gay community because that destroyed [men] in the 80s and 90s and so many people were dying because of it,” Clark said. “That’s not just what being gay is. Straight people can have AIDS, anyone can have AIDS.” 

Clark doesn’t think that universal health topics should be attached to a specific sexuality within a learning environment. For example, condoms are only covered with the intention of preventing pregnancy — their benefits for men aren’t mentioned during health class. 

“It’s just as bad as going to your parent and saying, ‘I’m pregnant’ as going to your mom and saying ‘I am HIV positive’ or ‘I have gonorrhea,”” Clark said. “It’s just embarrassing. The best thing you can do for gay kids is teaching them they are just like anyone else and you aren’t invincible.”

According to Barney, LGBTQ+ sex education is part of the current Helath curriculum, with topics including heterosexual and homosexual actitvity, biological sex, sexual orientationa and gender identity. However, neither Clark, Byers or Peterson recall learning about these concepts. 

Peterson feels this is not a criticism of the teachers specifically at East, but rather the curriculum they are instructed to follow. 

Instead of being lectured about why she should abstain from sex, Peterson wants to learn what the risks are before engaging in sexual intercourse.

Similar to when her health class brought in members from Alcoholics Anonymous to lecture about safety and abuse surrounding alcohol, Peterson would like to see speakers who’ve experienced sexually transmitted diseases. 

East health teacher Alex Henton agrees that LGBTQ+ sex education should have more representation within the classroom. 

“I have had students in the past who, whether they are non binary or they identify with whatever gender, request to put a presentation together,” Henton said. “I will admittedly say that I am not an expert on that, but there are students here willing to share their stories and experience, and I think that is something of value.”

Every year SMSD health teachers gather with Barney to discuss the next year’s health curriculum. According to Henton, certain topics can become more prevalent during different years, this year focusing heavily on mental health. Looking towards the future, Henton hopes to see positive changes to the curriculum, including more open conversations about sex ed and LGBTQ+ representation.

“You look so cute tonight kiddo, I wish I could be there.”

I’m trying my best to hide the blush creeping up my face as I glace down at my phone, hidden intentionally under the table. My friends’ voices fade out to white noise, and the restaurant we’re in seems to disappear. A part of me feels guilty for continuing to zone out to answer Snapchats during dinner, but how could I resist? I mean, every girl has had a casual crush before — it’s nothing to be ashamed of. He’s always telling me how incredible I am, how mature my music taste is and how much he wants to hang out. 

I’d turned 15 a month before we met. 

He was 19. 

It wasn’t until years later I realized that moment, punctuated by heart flutters and hidden smiles, was one of many in which I had no idea I was being groomed. 

According to the National Society for the Prevention of Child Cruelty, grooming is “when someone builds a relationship, trust and emotional connection with a child or young person so they can manipulate, exploit and abuse them.” It’s only in retrospect that I realize I, along with many other high schoolers, have experienced this form of emotional manipulation because we were never taught to recognize the signs of what it looks like to be groomed.

I met the aforementioned other end of my hidden restaurant Snapchats through a mutual friend. We hit it off, and soon started talking constantly about everything from my soccer practices to his favorite movies. He was sweet — constantly saying all the right things and always making me laugh. For weeks, he was my confidant, always there to vent my frustrations to, and always there with the perfect response. Every now and then, he’d take our causal conversations a bit too far, making a comment about my body or a joke about wishing I was 16 — the legal age of sexual consent in Kansas.

I didn’t think too much of it. We’d stay up all night texting, sending funny videos to each other and I’d smile at his little compliments. I even found myself thinking that of all the girls he knew, wasn’t I so cool to have him he like me? 

But in the weeks leading to our end, he repeatedly complained about how long it had been since he kissed anyone. He incessantly tried to pull sympathy out of me when explaining his situation with a girl who didn’t reciprocate his feelings. The final straw was his confession that he didn’t think he could go on living without me in his life — he said I was all he had. 

The trouble with grooming, or grooming-adjacent behavior, is that the victim rarely knows they’re being manipulated until the relationship is said and done. I had no reason to question if his presence in my life was motivated by anything more than his desire to be my friend. I’d never been taught about what a healthy relationship looks like. As I’ve gotten older and talked to others who’ve gone through similar experiences, I realize this miseducation is a critical problem among adolescents. 

I had no idea anyone could be praying on my naïvety, and in a social culture that calls on girls to grow up faster than ever, I thought I was mature enough to handle being close to someone who’d experienced so much more in life and relationships than I had. 

Young people need to be taught about what constitutes a healthy relationship, or even a healthy friendship. It wasn’t until I started seeing a therapist during my senior year that I learned to set boundaries that could help me advocate for myself when I felt I was being taken advantage of, or how to recognize when someone was using my sympathy to get me to betray my own comfort zones.

A few 30-minute “sexual health” videos were the only bit of formal puberty education I received in school. But puberty isn’t just growing up or growing boobs — it’s growing emotionally, too. I spent middle school practicing MLA-style essay writing and struggling through fractions, but was never prepared for the social and emotional changes I’d come to experience in high school. 

I’d like to blame my ignorance to the obvious flaws in my manipulative friendship on Taylor Swift’s song “Fifteen,” in which she sings of her freshman year of high school and hoping to catch the attention of senior boys. By the time I turned 15, with no prior relationship experience or any knowledge of what healthy relationships should look like, I thought of Taylor, and how it’d be the biggest compliment in the world to catch the eye of an older guy. 

It wasn’t until I’d talked to other girls about my experience that I realized my entanglement wasn’t an isolated incident, that I wasn’t the only one. I soon realized certain behaviors had just been normalized. Freshman girls getting hit up for nudes by senior boys who’d walk them to class every day. Younger girls talking to much older boys, thinking the attention was a trophy to tote around.

Grooming might be an extreme circumstance of an older person preying on a younger person, but violations of boundaries and manipulation can happen to anyone. Knowing how to defend yourself against this behavior is crucial. I think back to the signs I missed and wish I’d been taught how to recognize them. 

Be wary when someone is adamant that you don’t disclose the nature of your relationship to anyone else in your life — especially an adult. Take caution when someone incessantly pokes into your life, but shares little about theirs. Understand that you have every right to establish and defend your boundaries in any relationship. And if you’re ever with someone who doesn’t make you feel comfortable enough to speak up for yourself or when you feel those boundaries are crossed, get out. Block them, tell an adult or do whatever it takes to remove yourself from that situation. 

It’s easy to giggle through the puberty videos we’re forced to watch and cringe at the idea of beginning dating during high school, but every person owes it to themselves to learn the signs of grooming. As difficult as it can be to realize a trusted friend might have malicious intent, you’ll thank yourself for recognizing the signs of emotional abuse and conjuring the strength to resist those seemingly-innocent Snapchats and say no.

After settling into his dorm during the beginning of his freshman year of college, 2019 East alum Dalton Reck decided he would take his newfound adulthood to the next level and download Tinder, the infamous online dating app. 

At the time, Reck was using the app casually to meet new people, with no intention of starting a serious relationship. He came to find that most of his conversations eventually died out, and the matched pair would soon forget one another altogether. 

To his own surprise, Reck matched with his now-partner Riley in May 2020 — she was someone who he saw a potential relationship with quickly after the initial match. His only concern was that she’d be hesitant to trust him because he was just another faceless Tinder user.

“I don’t want to freak this person out,” Reck said. “I want to say like, ‘Hey, I’m a real person. I’m 19. I’m not a serial killer.’ It’s like walking on eggshells a little bit.”

The awkwardness of Reck and Riley’s first meeting was only increased by the down pouring rain and the prior two months of quarantine that forced the pair to forget how to flirt. They spent their time walking through the park in the rain and talking about the sports they played in high school. But they were both secretly relieved to know that the other was real. 

Senior Laura Kidwell’s relationship is another Tinder love story. 

During quarantine, Kidwell downloaded the app as somewhat of a joke along with a few of her friends. The entertainment was something to fill her empty days, and she got to experience some sort of socializing for the first time in a month. But after matching with Josh, there was an immediate click. The two moved almost immediately from Tinder to Snapchat and were soon spending their nights talking via FaceTime. 

“I didn’t want to go meet up with someone who I didn’t know wasn’t partying a bunch with random strangers and stuff like that,” Kidwell said. “So we pretty much only FaceTimed for like the first couple of weeks.”

After the two finally met, the relationship was made official, and they’ve been dating ever since. 

Throughout the entire Tinder process, specifically in preparation for their first dates, Kidwell and Reck made sure to follow the basic ‘Rules of Online Dating:’ Be aware of your surroundings, meet in public, let a friend know what you’re doing, don’t share important personal information.

“I went and picked him up,” Kidwell said. “I wanted to be the one driving, I’m not about to get kidnapped. All my friends have Life360 too, just in case anything weird happened.”

Sophomore Caitlin Burks follows similar rules when online dating, although she uses a different platform: Instagram. Burks has formed relationships through the app’s direct messaging feature, and she’s always sure to get to know a person at least on a surface level before moving forward. 

“After we got to know a few basic things about each other like favorite color and food,” Burks said. “We would video chat or things like that just to make sure that it’s legitimate.”

In her case, many of the relationships are strictly online and long-distance, with some of her past boyfriends being from Texas, Virginia and even Paris. To further the relationships beyond just texting and video chatting, Burks uses Google Meet to share her screen with the other person to watch movies and play video games together.  

Being underage, knowing the true age and identity of the other person is extremely important to Burks. When she does run into a situation where the person on the other end of the screen is over 18, she quickly begins to feel a threat to her safety. 

“It’s just kinda scary,” Burks said. “I try to be a really nice person about everything, so it’s just really hard for me to say, ‘I’m sorry, I’m probably gonna have to block you.’”

Kidwell had similar problems while using Tinder, as the app automatically shows other users within a 10 year age difference. Although she and Josh are the same age, she’s had men messaging her who were up to the age of 28. She later learned that the age preference can be changed, but she wished the option would have been more advertised and easier to find. 

The roles can also be reversed in a situation of age, as girls or boys will say they are 18 or older in order for the app to allow them to make an account. 

“My friend was 19 at the time and was [talking to] a girl who catfished him a little bit,” Reck said. “She [said she was 18] but she was actually 16 or 17. He had to say, ‘I’m sorry, but I can’t do this.’”

The parent company of Tinder, Match Groups, recently announced that they will be partnering with the company Garbo to provide a way for users to background check the people they match with, according to Good Morning America. The company is hoping this new feature will provide some ease for those who use the app.

While online dating is still a somewhat new and intimidating concept, it can help those who don’t have the opportunity or time to pursue new relationships from scratch and give people a chance to meet new people, according to Reck.

“You can definitely meet people on there and make connections,” Reck said. “I think it’s just a way to meet a lot of people that you never would have the chance to meet any other way.”