Senior Column — Brynn Winkler

Photo by Kate Nixon

There was no doubt I would go to St. Teresa’s. I’d followed my older sister in terms of my taste in clothing and hobbies, so I’d follow her to high school, too. It was the safe option.

That was until I attended the 8th grade information night at East and stopped by room 521 (my mom had forced me to go to “keep my options open”). I was in awe of the staffers’ confidence as they spoke about their Journalism 1 trauma and Harbinger reporting in a room packed with parents and students.

Their conviction and poise intimidated me — yet I wanted to be just like them. I craved the confidence to walk up to anyone in the hallway and ask them for an interview or to speak in a room full of people with such ease. I also wanted to emulate Rory from “Gilmore Girls” and become editor, but that’s beside the point.

Partially thanks to that visit to the J-Room, I returned home that night with an East T-shirt in hand, certain that I was going to be back next year — even if the student body of 1800 and unfamiliarity of East scared me.

Flash forward to sophomore year and I was in the J-room again, this time as a page designer on Harbinger. It wasn’t nearly as glamorous as I thought. To my surprise, I didn’t magically acquire the skill and confidence of the editors I’d admired.

My voice shook when I spoke with my senior copy editor every day, and my hands got all sweaty when I interviewed a teacher I’d never met before. And I’ll never forget hiding in the bathroom at my first deadline dinner so I wouldn’t have to answer who my staff crush was in front of everyone. Yikes.

I wanted to quit. But just like that night in February two years prior, though the prospect of staying scared me, being in room 521 somehow excited me more.

So, I stayed. And now I look back amazed at how much I would’ve lost if I didn’t. I wouldn’t have met my best friend, who I got to know through hours of interviews for a feature story. I would’ve never felt the satisfaction you get when your interviewee says you told their story just right. I would’ve never witnessed all the good that can come from stepping out of my tiny, tidy comfort zone at 14 years old.

I know I never became editor-in-chief like Rory Gilmore, and my palms still get sweaty when I talk to crowds of people. But now I call up researchers at Ivy League Universities and mayors’ offices for interviews without hesitation. I pitch my own developed story ideas to editors with conviction. And I’m attending college next year to study journalism despite all the voices saying it’s not a “safe” career option. Because I’ve seen what happens when you chase something even if it scares you.