Reconnecting Face-to-Face: How an 80-year-old book on human interaction is still applicable today

“What’s this supposed to mean?” was my first thought after my dad handed me the book “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” Was he trying to tell me something?

Whether he was implying I needed to make more friends or not, I eventually realized I needed this book — we all need it.

Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People” is the ultimate self-help book, and — unlike a slew of other options in the genre — does exactly what the title entails. But what makes this book stand out on the self-help shelf isn’t just its principles, but the fact that Carnegie wrote them over 80 years ago and they’re still applicable today. 

The purpose of the book is to highlight the benefits personal interaction can have on your life. Almost a century later, and Carnegie’s teachings have found their way to my hands as I work to achieve that more approachable and compassionate personality.

One thing Carnegie emphasizes is face-to-face interaction — I learned the best way to start a conversation with someone is to ask about their interests. And to my experimentation, my English class small talk improved with my newly-found people skills.

His voice-packed writing style and well-rounded knowledge of human interaction makes his preachings more memorable than one would think, especially in a book genre where the climax finds itself in the phrase, “how to be a better you.” 

Although today’s interactions are heavily dictated by technology, and Carnegie lived in a time when phones were anything but “smart,” his interpretation of interaction is still applicable today despite the technological advancements since it was published.

 Though he had no knowledge of what was to come, Carnegie proves that interaction isn’t commenting on someone’s spring break post or “friending” someone on Snapchat, but rather talking to that person in person — sincerely and with a smile. 

Carnegie learned the importance of sincerity and personability as a farm boy from Missouri, where he found education in a one-room schoolhouse and harmony through in-person connections. He grew to develop a deeper liking for public speaking, which shines through in his opening letter to the reader, addressing his accountability by showcasing years of research, reading and interviews conducted to develop his principles. 

The book covers four different areas of interaction: techniques in handling people, how to make people like you, how to get people to think your way and how to be a leader. Each section of the book is broken down into principles to make it easier to digest, some of which are likened to everyday tasks — Carnegie ties starting up conversations to fishing. 

To put it in perspective, although one of Carnegie’s favorite foods is strawberries and cream, he knows that fish would much rather prefer worms. The same thing goes when fishing for friends, you have to use the proper bait — what they want to talk about. 

His use of analogies was definitely the most engaging and comprehensible method he used when defining the principles, along with his brilliant anecdotes. 

Carnegie reveals the mistakes and trials of nationally-recognized figures like Theodore Roosevelt — who he actually sat down and interviewed — and Abraham Lincoln. There’s something reassuring about Lincoln’s ability to apply these principles and go from being an utter jerk to one of the most beloved presidents of all time, which makes the book’s principles a much more achievable reality. 

Just reading the book has made me instinctively better when it comes to lessons like remembering names, smiling and prioritizing relationships.  

It felt good to put down my phone and learn how to talk all over again. So please, take a page out of Carnegie’s book, put down my story and talk to someone. It won’t hurt my feelings because Carnegie taught me how to deal with difficult people.