Posting Positivity

Photo by: Ava Simonsen

Then-second-grader Josie Lenger sat blindfolded next to the creek at Prairie Elementary School. She was under the impression that her so-called best friends were right there beside her, playing hide-and-seek. After minutes of silence had passed, she ripped off the blindfold, only to realize that her classmates had ditched her at recess.

When Josie meekishly returned to class, approached the girls and asked why they had been so mean to her, they confidently responded that it was because she didn’t fit in — they told her she was too fat.

“I got bullied and excluded because of my weight a lot as a kid,” Josie, now a freshman, said. “I know a lot of people go through the same thing and try to change themselves, but I didn’t want to have to change.”

On Nov. 1, 2017, Josie began posting monthly photos of herself on her fake Instagram account, or “finsta.” These weren’t the usual, conservative pictures that she was used to posting on her real Instagram — these close-up pictures are of Josie showing the outline of her stomach, the size of her waist and all her other bodily insecurities.

She posts these pictures on the first day of every month, showing her followers that she is growing to be more comfortable in her body. But Josie admits that she didn’t always embody the confidence and strength that she now has when it comes to her body image. Josie recognized that she didn’t look quite like the other girls, but she never thought of it as something bad until she was told that it was.

Last year, she would constantly compare her thighs to those of other girls’ in the Indian Hills Middle School hallways. She spent less time on her extracurriculars, like art, and more focus on the nutritional information in her macaroni and cheese. She spent her time counting calories, watching her weight and exercising compulsively.

Josie’s sister, senior Katherine Lenger, described Josie’s elementary-school-self as a girl who wasn’t afraid to wear a hot pink shirt with light green pants, who was never afraid to voice her opinion in class discussions, political debates or surveys. But when Josie got to middle school, Katherine saw her transform into a different person.

Josie started following fashion trends and rules that she saw other girls live by. Josie spent her babysitting money on the newest Vineyard Vines tees and Lulu Lemon leggings. She gave up her personal, vibrant style, all to feel like she belongs.

And although Josie was making efforts to feel more liked by her peers, she was as insecure as ever. If a friend advised that she lower her voice during free-time in English, Josie would automatically tense up. If her mother or sister suggested that Josie change shirts before heading out to dinner, Josie would immediately question her whole outfit.

Katherine believes it was because she was so unhappy with who she was at the time, and Josie agrees.

Her middle school years were a self-described low point. Since her years in middle school, has made great strides towards becoming body positive. At the height of her insecurities in seventh grade, she met one of her closest friends, current freshman Austin Housley.

Housley loved Josie’s outgoing personality and kind heart, but noticed the negative ways she treated herself regarding her outward appearance on hot summer days, when she was invited to the pool and didn’t want to put on a swimsuit.

“She was nice to others, but not to herself.” Housley said.

Housley and freshman Macie Stump both remember a period of time in the early months of eighth grade when Josie ate exclusively healthy food, like salads and fresh fruits — but for Josie, it was obsessive. Housley can distinctly remember Josie talking him through every piece of food she was set to consume on a certain day.

Stump also witnessed first-hand that Josie was quick to speak up when she saw other kids get bullied for trivial matters, like what clothes they wore or if their hair was messy. But Josie never found the confidence to stand up for herself when she got bullied for her looks.

“I feel like Josie really wanted to be liked, so she would just brush it off,” Stump said. “But when she would see other kids being bullied, she would recognize it as wrong.”

The body positivity posts started for Josie at the beginning of her freshman year, when she got tired — tired of hating her thighs that rubbed up against each other. She got tired of being nervous to put on denim shorts in the summer. She got tired. When Josie would see another girl who could walk around in a ribbed crop top with seemingly no insecurities, she wondered why she didn’t have the self-love to do the same. She wanted to be confident.

It took weeks on end of looking to friends for reassurance and scrolling through body positive social media accounts for Josie to build up the courage to post her first mirror selfie. Her captions told her finsta followers that she recognized her worth and would not let anyone or any thoughts take away from her self-image, and encouraged her followers to do the same.

Josie had known all along that she was worthy of happiness, but was too caught up in wanting to be known as someone who was beautiful, thin and good to be around. All she was looking for was the reassurance from her followers that gave her the final push before Josie felt she was confident enough to continue with the self-love.

“It was all of the positive feedback I got that made me feel inspired to post more,” Josie said.

Josie’s body positivity posts took Katherine by surprise at first, as Josie had never voiced anything at home about how she was feeling. Katherine believes that her sister first started posting so that she would gain confidence, but it morphed into inspiration for others. Her series of posts gave her followers the desire to find their own self-love, a more positive outcome than Josie ever hoped for.

Housley even reached out to Josie over iMessage to tell her that her first post made his day and inspired him to be more confident.

“It meant a lot to me to hear, even just from one person, that I had impacted someone’s self-image in a positive way,” Josie said. “It was the kind of response that made me feel like I was doing something right.”

Josie still works out every few days and tries to eat healthy. But now, she does it for what she believes to be the right reasons. She’s taking care of herself to boost her energy levels because she hopes to play on a recreational football team — and not because she doesn’t think she’s beautiful. Josie notices that she’ll often get compliments from, “Your body looks incredible,” to “You’re getting so tiny,” and while Josie appreciates the kind words, that’s not what she’s aiming for.

“People walk up to me and tell me that my body looks good, and I say ‘thanks’,” Josie said. “But I do what I do to be healthy, not to be skinny.”

Classmates will make fun of and gossip about the posts from time to time. Josie will overhear things like, “Why does she post so many mirror selfies?” but she ignores it. She knows that her life should be run by her and no one else, and says she never lets negative comments get her down.

“It’s her life,” Housley said. “It’s not for anyone else to comment on, especially when it’s mean. What she’s doing is so positive and so good, so I can’t understand why anyone would be negative about it.”

Josie still has bad days when it comes to her body. However, there are twice as many days when Josie feels like she has a new sense of self that she can walk around with. On every one of her bad days, she reminds herself why she’s taken so much time to be happy, and that she will continue to do so.

“I’ll still look at other girls’ bodies and I’ll just wonder how they’re so thin,” Josie said. “But I always remind myself that my thick thighs are perfectly okay, and that I’m just as beautiful as everyone else.”