Parental Pressure: The impact of high expectations from achieved siblings

As I finally drop my backpack on the kitchen floor and break out the Goldfish from my pantry, I’m greeted by my two favorite questions — “Sydney, how was school?” followed by “How are your grades?”

I find myself responding with “good,” which is always followed by the same reminder to check my grades in Skyward, which has motivated me to do well in school since seventh grade.  

These questions are something that have been part of my daily routine ever since I first started middle school. Growing up, I’ve always known that not only do my parents want me to do my best — they expect it. In my parent’s eyes, a “B” is the end of the world — or at least seriously close to it. 

Now, this “expectation” isn’t just random. I come from a family of, well, geniuses. 

My mom went to KU on a scholarship, leading her to go to Harvard Business School and land a job in marketing. She married my dad, who took all AP classes all four years of high school and never got a B, earning himself a full ride to KU. He got a 36 on the ACT and a 1550 on the SAT, studying law at NYU — see, geniuses.  

My mom’s dad was a college math professor, earning himself a Visa from India to the US. Two of my uncles are cardiatric surgeons who not only graduated high school at 15, but graduated college at 19 and finished medical school at age 21. 

My other uncle is a Wall Street broker in NYC who attended Vanderbilt and the other is a commercial real estate agent. My own twin brother single handedly developed a shoe-reselling company that brought in thousands of dollars. 

Yep, clearly not a lot to live up to. 

And then there’s me. I can single handedly name every single character in Grey’s Anatomy and recite the lyrics of every single song of Taylor Swift’s “Fearless” album — does that count as a talent?

Pretty much everyone in my family is my role model, people who I’ve aspired to be like all my life and looked to when I needed help — and trust me, I’ve needed it a lot.

My stress involving grades hit its peak in economics when I had my first “B” — ever

While I known that sounds stupid and dramatic, it really was a big deal to me. But it was an even bigger deal to my parents. 

It was a deal that came with many lectures, review textbooks, more daily Skyward checks and several reminders of what my best was — and the fact that I wasn’t doing it. 

“Sydney what went wrong?” “Have you looked over the practice problems I gave you?” “You know that this isn’t your best” “Get off your phone and study,” These are all things I’ve heard a million times. 

But surprisingly, as annoying as it is, hearing these things so many times is one of the things that has helped me to do well in every aspect of my life. 

My parents are the ones who motivated me to do all honors. They are the ones who motivate me to want to go to a good college. They are the ones who motivate me to study for all my tests.  

But most importantly, they are two amazing role models who have motivated me to be the best version of myself for all my life. 

So, over the years, I’ve realized that their expectations aren’t to hurt me, they’re meant to help me. And each question has a different meaning. 

I know when my dad asks “Sydney what went wrong?” he is really trying to tell me she knows I could do better. When he asks me if I’ve done the practice problems I know he wants be to be prepared. When my mom tells me “You know this isn’t your best,” he’s really trying to encourage me. And finally, when they both say “Get off your phone and study” they are trying to keep me from getting distracted because they love me. 

Now, I’m not saying that I won’t complain when I’m called in for my weekly Skyward check or they buy me another practice problem book — but I’ll definitely be happier.