Only Child: Breaking the negative stereotypes of only children

In 1896, a now out-of-date psychologist named Stanley Hall created the term “only child syndrome,” labeling only children as “disease-ridden.” He described their traits as spoiled, selfish, bossy, antisocial and lonely. 

As an only child born long after Hall’s time, his ideas still influence how I’m treated. The most common comment I receive is, “Wow, you really don’t seem like an only child.” For years I never thought much of it — in society it’s so normalized for only children to have negative stereotypes floating around them. 

I became immune to hearing about everyone else’s theories and opinions about how only children should be. 

Like the idea that since an only child grows up especially dependent on their parents — as they’re who they’re surrounded by most of the time — they have little to no ability to be independent and self-sufficient. Or the concept that only children possess more antisocial traits than children with siblings. That only children aren’t as responsible because they have their parents’ constant attention to fix their problems. That they’re spoiled and incapable of sharing or working with others.

But I guess I’ve always received the “you don’t seem like an only child” comment simply because people think those stereotypes are so commonly true, so it’s a surprise when I don’t fit into them. But it’s not just me — the majority of only children don’t fit into the stereotypes.

According to Healthline, child psychologist Toni Falbo analyzed 115 only children and their achievements, character, intelligence, adjustment, sociability and the parent-child relationship. When compared to families with multiple children, they were on par or above expectations.

As an only child, when I was younger there was the obvious: I didn’t have siblings to play with. So when I was home from playdates, daycare or school there were moments I had to keep myself occupied when my mom was cooking dinner and my dad was at work and my dog was sleeping. Contrary to popular belief, I learned to independently play —  instead of tapping on my mom’s shoulders for hours begging her to entertain me or throwing a tantrum because I was bored.

Because all I ever knew was being an only child, I kept myself busy. I played with my Disney Princess Dolls in my playroom or flipped through books on my bed. And some might say that’s sad, but learning to independently play put me on the path of being an independent person.

Having time to myself created self-regulation for me. The ability to keep myself entertained without help from others instilled a sense of self-control within me. I learned problem-solving skills because I didn’t always have someone to immediately fix problems for me like when the toy I wanted was missing or the TV wasn’t working. I had to take that initiative and responsibility to solve the problem — defeating the stereotype of being dependent on others.

Not having siblings to play with not only sparked the conversation of independent play at family dinners, but it also sparked the conversation from my uncles that I would be antisocial or lonely — something that inherently isn’t true. 

If anything, being an only child pushed my parents more to encourage me to be outgoing and spend more time with different people. I started daycare as a baby so I could start interacting with children from a young age and my parents were constantly open to playdates and sleepovers so I could have that social interaction everyone says I’m incapable of.

Because I still was constantly interacting with other children and people, the skills of learning to share and be considerate were cemented. 

And being an only child has its fair share of pros. Another study by Falbo found the extra attention given to only children had a strong positive effect on them, including fewer attachment issues, higher scores on verbal ability tests, intelligence tests and stronger relationships with their parents and family.

Now, this isn’t to discredit multiple-children families. I’m simply saying that it’s time to stop negatively stereotyping only children. Because it’s clear these stereotypes are rarely true.

Instead of automatically assuming the common misconceptions of only children, get to know the good traits they bring to the table.