Author Spotlight
Sydney Newton
“Three words, eight letters, say it and I’m yours.”
It’s become one of the most iconic lines from “Gossip Girl,” quoted constantly and printed on everything from T-shirts to coffee mugs. Blair Waldorf uses this ultimatum to get her lover Chuck Bass to say “I love you” after he ditched her for an entire summer without warning.
Chuck doesn’t say it, but returns two seasons later with a measly box of macaroons when he’s ready to be with her, finally saying it back — a gesture I personally would deny. Without hesitation, she welcomes him back with open arms… again.
When I watched this scene with my friends, they were in awe of how romantic Chuck’s gesture was, saying things like “this is my dream relationship” and “he’s so cute.” Don’t ask me why, but the couple immediately became one that they looked up to. In less than three minutes, one “cute” scene made the dozens of horrible things they had both done to each other seem perfectly acceptable.
This isn’t okay, or romantic — it’s toxic, and “Gossip Girl” isn’t the only culprit. TV shows romanticize unhealthy relationships, leading people to perceive horrible treatment from their significant other as normal.
What that scene didn’t show was the number of times that Chuck made Blair cry. Or the number of lies he made her believe. Or the girls he assaulted before he was with her. Yeah, him saying “I love you” was “cute,” but shouldn’t that be something normal in a relationship? Something expected? It doesn’t erase the emotional abuse he put Blair through.
Many shows love to use the idea of a “bad boy,” making abusive relationships seem charming. Perfect, desirable even.
The idea presented in these TV shows — that girls can change a bad boy into a “good guy” — leaves girls chasing their own bad boys who they hope will change for the better. The cliche rude-guy-changes-for-a-girl shown in almost every popular TV show is something that’s become praised — and that’s the problem.
It’s simple. If your partner treats you badly at the beginning of a relationship, it’s unrealistic and ignorant to assume they’ll change for you — something no TV show talks about. You shouldn’t expect anyone to change for you, and you definitely shouldn’t seek out someone you think you can “fix.”
I’m not saying it’s any girl’s fault, but let’s face it: when’s the last time you’ve seen the main character go for the good guy?
TV shows and movies blur the line between passion and manipulation. When Damon tricked Elena into becoming a vampire in the “Vampire Diaries,” it made their love for each other stronger. When Simon and Daphne both lied to each other about their intentions of having children with each other in “Bridgerton,” it helped their relationship grow. Producers use these deceiving actions as opportunities to show growth in a relationship, rather than actually recognizing it as an issue.
The couples in these shows become so dependent on each other that they can’t be happy alone, so they act like any issue or mistake in their relationship isn’t a big deal. And somehow, these are always the relationships writers want you to look up to.
No matter how small, a red flag needs to be recognized. A lie is still a lie. And just because that happened to a television couple who easily brushed it off, doesn’t mean you should.
According to USC Medicine, a toxic relationship can negatively impact your mental health, making you feel drained, insecure and can even lead to increased heart problems due to the increase in stress. Actual medical problems can come out of negative relationships shown in media. Accepting the manipulation and control that you see in relationships on the big screen won’t make your relationship perfect. It only hurts you more.
Not only are these relationships unhealthy, but they aren’t even real. Every line, movement and action is scripted to make the show as complex and compelling as possible. I know the drama increases with more toxicity in a fictional relationship, but just once can a nice, normal couple end up together? I get it, shows have to keep the plot interesting and their viewers intrigued by creating conflict and drama. But there’s a difference between including drama and encouraging it.
I’m not saying that if you ever catch your significant other in a lie, you should instantly break up with them. But you shouldn’t idolize relationships filled with lies and broken trust, or even worse, accept that as normal in your own relationship.
So next time you find yourself idolizing a TV couple, take a few steps back and think about them as real people. Sorry Chuck Bass, but I’ll forever be team Nate.
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