Maxx's Musings: How to Fall

Since the beginning of time, people have been falling down. And until recently, they’ve gotten up when they fell. In modern day society, people sustain injuries from falling, and when they see somebody fall, the voice their concern. There shouldn’t be any concern; people fell down for centuries and got back up without pouting. When man hunted for a boar, got mauled and knocked down, man got back up. Man did not cry when he scraped his knee as he fell of his big wheel.  He got back up.

I learned how to fall from years and years of wrestling and getting my butt knocked down over and over again, and I always got up.
This is a guide to help instruct you foolish fools how to fall.

1. Use your arms for balance

2. Make a funny face and a bizarre  noise

3. Flail your arms to the front of your body and aim your belly at the ground
4.

Try to catch yourself on something, and when you fail, pull your knees to your belly enough so that your knees and shins hit the ground first
5. Have your forearms facing toward the floor in front of you, and try to catch yourself
6. Land on your forearms in something of a lazy push-up position, distributing the shock through your arms and then drop down to your knees and shins

7. Be careful not to strain your wrists or elbows, but note that it’s ALWAYS better to bruise your forearms and shins/knees than your face or tailbone

Also, note that if you increase the amount of time taken for the impact, the force you receive is decreased. Physics says that, and it’s da troot.
Rassling taught me how to fall, but it’s nothing that the everyday average Joe and Suzie Q can’t learn; just follow these steps and get lots of practice, and you’ll be an expert in no time!