Lost In Pressure: Having parents that have unrealistically high expectations of you makes it hard to find yourself and have motivation for academics

“Why won’t you just try out for the basketball team?”

“It’s such a shame you don’t play any sports. It runs in our family”

“You can always make your grade better than an 89%, you’re not trying hard enough”

These classic quotes from my parents constantly ring in my ears whenever I have to work on assignments for school or think about anything past high school.

When your parents try to create a carbon copy of themselves, it can be difficult to figure out what you truly like and find motivation for school.

For as long as I’ve been able to form my own cohesive thoughts, I was wired to believe that school should come over everything. School was my job. Maybe this worked for me as a six-year-old when I was awarded a Reese’s after learning addition and receiving an A on my math test.

But starting high school, the effectiveness of this strategy slowly faded, and I started wondering why I actually cared about school.

Like most people, I wanted to make good grades and be able to get into college, but all of the surrounding pressure of being “the best” at school started to damage my morale. 

Sure, I understand parents wanting a high level of success in school for their child and to verbatim “Do better than I was in high school.” But when it gets to the point of chugging an iced coffee at 9 p.m. and fighting to stay up until 2 a.m. for a chemistry test, it’s not worth it anymore.

The mere thought of even earning a C on my grade card would cause impending doom to me: what would my dad think of me? What if I get grounded? Will my phone be taken away? What will my grandparents think?

While I was so unmotivated to study, my best friends would do their schoolwork like it was second nature. I always questioned if their parents cared so much about their grades and the answer was almost always “No”. 

It’s like a reverse psychology effect, if your parents are putting so much pressure on you to get the best grades in the school, you’re overwhelmed and unmotivated. But if your parents just tell you to try your best in school even if you don’t make the best grade, it seems you want to do it more for yourself.

Obviously, this doesn’t work for everyone, but I’ve found that the less I focus on my parent’s approval, the harder I try in school.

Not to mention the expectation that playing sports seems like the key to having a “good high school experience.” Being put into every sport imaginable as a kid and quitting every one should be a sign to parents that maybe sports just aren’t their kids’ thing.

Even after trying to continue sports into high school, something was never good enough. Joining the cross country team wasn’t enough because it wasn’t basketball. After trying out almost every extra curricular in existence and only liking a few, I started to realize everything activity or late night homework I’d done wasn’t for my own achievement. It was for my parents.

High school students shouldn’t have to have anxiety over not being enough for their parents. Although pressure from parents exists for almost everyone, parents shouldn’t control every part of their child’s life and let them discover their own motivation and passion for school.