Independent One: How growing up as an only child made me more mature and independent

Walking through the doors of Highlands Elementary School on my first day of kindergarten I refused to loosen the death grip I had on my mom’s hand. Five-year-old me wasn’t accustomed to interacting with kids my own age, let alone being in a room full of them.

My new classmates greeted our teacher with a hug or light handshake then walked to their desk and began making friends with ease. I walked up to my teacher, gave her a firm handshake, introduced myself and said “It’s good to meet you.”I found my seat and awkwardly waited until my table filled up with my peers. I introduced myself to my classmates the same way I did my teacher – a firm handshake followed by my first and last name – most of them gave me a confused and slightly judgmental look afterward. 

At the time, I thought the other students weren’t taught proper manners. Many years later I came to realize that my maturity had developed early on from being an only child.

Throughout my life I’ve always been told I’m very mature for my age. Whether it was teachers at school, family members at holidays or my friends’ parents, my maturity never failed to surprise people. They’ve all presumed that I’m at least two years older than my actual age.

This isn’t just my experience as an only child either research backs up the notion that only children take on adult behaviors earlier than those with siblings. A study done by the National Bureau of Economic Research showed that only children tend to perform better in school, are higher achievers and are overall more mature. Most of this all comes down to only children simply spending more time with adults. The dinner table is all adult conversations like how they’re saving money for the next family vacation or the newest political scandal and “family outings” indicate purely adult interactions, all things that people with any number of siblings generally don’t get much of.

This has also allowed me to do things other kids my age couldn’t. When I was 10, I joined a pottery class with an age requirement of 13. The teacher had to help with some projects since my hands were three years too small for what we were making but I still succeeded as much as the teenagers in the class. In school, teachers would have me help make copies, or put up things around the classroom since they knew they could depend on me.

I’ve also created a level of trust with my parents that many of my peers with siblings don’t have because of my maturity. I was trusted to use the stove before some of my friends were even allowed to pour their own bowl of Froot Loops and milk. 

More recently, my parents allowed me to go to Houston with no one but my friend. Traveling over a thousand miles without any adults is something many of my friends with siblings wouldn’t even ask to do since they know it would be shot down – but since I am able to have more one-on-one time with my parents and they can check in with me more they know they can trust me enough to do things like this.

But the “only-child syndrome” comes with its downsides. I’ve always had extra pressure on me due to this maturity. Whenever I would misbehave when I was younger it was often a larger deal than it was for my friends because I was expected to be more mature. In preschool when I would draw on our fridge I would get put in time out or sent to my room when my friends with siblings were simply told not to do it again. 

While this pressure can be annoying at times, I must admit it’s helped me exceed in many aspects of my life. Growing up, it was harder for me to get away with things like bombing a test or not doing my chores since my parents didn’t have another kid to worry about so they knew everything I was doing. Because of this constant spotlight on me, I have always performed well in school, I’m more self-motivated than some of my peers and I pride myself on my organization skills.

Don’t get me wrong, being an only child has definitely had its downsides through the years, but the things I gained from it and the opportunities I get as a result of it make up for all the times I had to play dolls by myself or didn’t have a sibling to throw under the bus when I would break a rule.