Globes Without Glamour: Notable looks from the Golden Globes rated

The Golden Globes have passed and we’re one step closer to the Oscars. The only real takeaways were that Colin Farrell rightfully won the Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Television Movie or Limited Series — what a mouthful — and, of course, the outfits everyone wore. 

Jeremy Strong is pushing 46 while attempting to dress like a 12-year-old boy. I say attempting because the outlook is much more reminiscent of Oscar the Grouch trying to “relate to the youth” with a pitiful bucket hat. Mind you, all bucket hats are ugly. 2/10. 

Although Keri Russell somewhat resembles a Grand Admiral from the Star Wars sequels, I honestly find the outfit pretty cohesive and visually appealing. However, the shoes should’ve been white instead of a contrasting black. Regardless, 7/10.  

I genuinely don’t understand Melissa McCarthy’s outfit. Do you not want to drink, eat or do anything while you’re sitting through speech after speech for hours on end? I can’t even think of a witty comparison because the outfit is just so arbitrary. 1/10. 

There’s a fine line between boring and over-the-top and Monica Barbaro walked it perfectly. It’s stylish and memorable but also not too much. Her accessories pull the entire getup together — though I may be biased because I’m a sucker for silver jewelry. 8/10.

I guess I’m confused why Rachel Smith dressed up as an Oscar for the Golden Globes, but I suppose I’m here for it. The finish on the dress is eye-catching and I really don’t mind it. 6/10. 

I didn’t know Texas Roadhouse catered for the Golden Globes. I also didn’t know Matty Matheson works there. Seriously though, if he wanted to go full “cowboy” mode where is the hat? I feel like I’m about to lose my life savings at poker night just looking at him. 2/10.  

Kathy Bates, I know you don’t have anywhere better to run off to, so please take off the sneakers. It quite frankly looks like she forgot the Golden Globes were that night and just threw something on at the last minute. It’s completely fine for her to do, but for the purpose of this ranking, it may take off a lot of points. 1/10. 

Angelina Jolie’s outfit is undoubtedly the best from this year’s Golden Globes. It almost looks like a costume her character Thena would wear in Marvel’s Eternals, and I adore it. I find myself questioning the logistics of how she even managed to get into it, although it just adds to the spectacle of how enthralling her outfit is. The accessories are undeniably fitting yet still subtle, and I can’t think of a better way to stand out without being annoying at an award show. 10/10. 

Of course, there were many more outfits, but they were either just single-toned dresses or freshly rented tuxedos. I’ll look forward to judging more celebrities when the Oscars roll around. Maybe then I’ll actually care about who wins the awards.