Fourth Installment in ‘Resident Evil’ Franchise is a Bust

Resident Evil gives a bad name to zombies. From the 1968 horror classic “Night of the Living Dead,” to its 1978 sequel “Dawn of the Dead,” which inspired the more recent 2004 farce “Shaun of the Dead,” this genre has generated several masterpieces that I along with many others cherish as pieces of optimum cinema. Resident Evil: Afterlife is not one of them.

Afterlife is the fourth film in the Resident Evil series. It’s a series of films that has come no closer to achieving an ounce of acclaim than those of Aaron Seltzer, director of “Epic Movie,” “Meet the Spartans” and the recent “Vampires Suck.” At least I can say that those movies made me laugh, albeit very sparingly.

The movie picks up where the third one “Resident Evil: Extinction” left us. There are dozens of Alice (Milla Jovovich) clones seeking out revenge upon the evil umbrella corporation, who created the zombie epidemic that has ravaged earth. Alice along with a band of survivors are charged with the task of fighting their way through zombie-infested Los Angeles to a freight ship populated by other survivors.

This movie is about as half-baked as they come. Alice who somewhere along the line of the previous three films gained super-powers, loses them when a bad guy strikes her with a syringe to make her a normal human again. Thirty seconds later, she walks away from a plane crash that leaves nothing but smoldering metal behind: just like a normal human would.

I have a message for writer/director Paul W.S. Anderson: just because this is fiction, doesn’t mean everything that pops into your head can be allowed to happen. “Within any world, no matter how imaginary, only certain events are possible or probable” screenwriting coach Robert McKee said. And he is exactly right. Audiences around the world are sure to be frustrated with the movie’s improbability.

Not just that, but they will have seen it all before. There were so many clichés I was confident that I could walk out of the theater at any moment and know exactly how the movie would end. And I thought about doing it many times; for some reason it felt like the movie was killing my brain cells at a rapid pace.

But hey, some action movies can only be propelled so far by their plot, sometimes their action scenes can make paying the ever-increasing admission price completely worth it. But in this film, action is just another element that this film failed to deliver. Once again it all seemed too familiar. One scene Alice jumps out a window toting her dual handguns was a complete clone of a scene from “the Matrix: Reloaded,” where Trinity performs the same feat.

The one redeeming quality that this film possesses is its soundtrack. At moments where I was about to walk right out of the theater in frustration with the cliché ridden story and stiff, emotionless acting, I could count on the fist-pump-inducing soundtrack to kick on, and for it to have me nodding my head to its gritty electronic instrumentals full of dramatic 808 drums. Unfortunately for the makers of this movie, no soundtrack can save a plotless film.

The drums were about as dramatic as it came. The characters in this movie exhibit less emotion than a Firby. At least my Firby can extract some emotion from me, even if it is anger at its constant pleas for me to feed it. In this movie there is no anger, or happiness, or sadness or anything that an audience can relate to. Name any emotion and this movie doesn’t contain a smidgeon of it.

It goes without saying the acting is awful. That’s not to say that it is the worst I have ever seen. No, most of these actors were pretty good with fake excitement which qualifies them for a future in the business of infomercials.

Milla Jovovich sucked, but the real stand out for laughable acting goes to Shawn Roberts whose portrayal of main bad guy Albert Wesker, was a portrait of every other summer-action-blockbuster-bad-guy. The whole movie Wesker speaks in a harsh whisper that only adds to the far-fetched feel of the entire movie. But it’s only half Shawn Roberts’ fault the other half is Paul W.S. Anderson once again creating an unconvincing world. In one scene, when one of his henchman second-guesses the boss, Mr. Wesker pulls out a desert eagle and shoots the henchman point blank in the temple — just like every other evil boss from every other bad action movie.

This movie, may be more enjoyable to see in 3D, but it certainly wouldn’t have made up for the seen-it-all-before feeling, and phoned in performances. And if a movie has to be seen in 3D to be enjoyable it isn’t worth seeing at all — unless it’s “Piranha 3D,” that movie was totally worth the extra 5 dollars.

“Afterlife” was the dessert that makes you want to vomit up the three course meal that came before it, and judging by the teaser at the end of the credits, we’re in for some coffee. And you shouldn’t order any of it.