We’ll Talk About It When You’re Older

Last night, I had a sex photo shoot in my room. Before you jump to conclusions, let me clarify: it was a photo illustration for the upcoming issue of Harbinger. However, the strangest thing about this shoot wasn’t having two partially undressed models pose for pictures in my room. The strangest thing was that two rooms down, my parents were reading a bedtime story to my 6-year-old brother, Blake.

Aren’t I a great influence?

I’m almost 11 years older than my little brother. We’ve spent the last six years in very different stages of development. While he was having his first laugh, his first steps, his first day of Kindergarten, I had my first girlfriend, shot up about a foot, had my first sex photo shoot in my room. Just normal teenage stuff (OK, maybe not the last one). But by no means is it normal for him to be exposed to it.

He’s been exposed to so much more than any other kid his age. The other day, eight teenage boys walked into my living room, sat down and started exchanging vulgarities over a bet. He just sat there, unfazed by their arrival or their course language. He couldn’t care less. He’s that used to teenagers.

I’ve known other kids who were exposed to older siblings and their friends when they were young. A good number of those kids turned out to be pretty wild. It’s only natural. They emulate what their older siblings do, only they do it at a much younger age.

Is Blake going to be one of those kids? Is he going to stroll into first grade cussing? Is he going to want to go to parties in third grade?

Think about this: When I’m halfway through college, he’ll be halfway through elementary school. All my friends in college will have their high school senior little brothers come visit them. My brother will be hanging out with frat bros when he’s in third grade.

There are so many things my brother must hear and see that he won’t begin to understand until he’s much older. When I had forty kids over for a party last year on my birthday, he was there, amidst the groves of 16-year-olds and booming music, playing with his Legos like nothing was going on.

How will my teenage actions influence him? I’ll be so ashamed if he turns out wild because of my actions. The best thing for me to do now is to be more careful about what I expose him to.

Until then, Blake: We’ll talk about it when you’re older.