Blog: Maxx’s Musings: Tickling – A Socially Acceptable Activity

Because I am not fond of violence, when somebody wrongs me, there is only one option: tickling them mercilessly.

If somebody steals (or attempts to steal) my gummies or other sweets, it does not matter when it is or where they are, I will tickle them silly. Just today in fact, I was explaining why there is absolutely nothing wrong with tickling, reached over and tickled a fellow classmate. She didn’t even ask why; it was understood “that it was Maxx Lamb, and that he’ll do that.”

The other day in drama class, we were discussing where the audience’s focus on the stage fell. I was charged with moving the audience’s focus from my classmate to the other side of the stage, so naturally, my instinct was to tickle my classmate, and as I did so, she flew across the stage.

Mission Accomplished.

At the end of class, somebody said sarcastically that I should tickle everybody in the class. Knowing it was sarcastic, I went ahead and tickled everybody in the class. People told me, “You can’t just tickle people!” and I rebutted that yes, I could, and there was nothing socially unacceptable about it.

“You’re popping my personal bubble!” they said.

Pft, nah. I beg to differ.

I don’t adhere to the general social norms; they’re obscene and inhibit cultural growth. I’ve taken it upon myself to break them down. The social norms say I can’t tickle people? Bah, humbug.

If I tell somebody I am going to tickle them and they leave themselves wide open, it’s their fault that they get tickled. If they actually have a problem, and they quietly say, “Please don’t tickle me,” and make it clear that they do not find it amusing on any level, I will heed their request. On the other hand, if they laugh and say playfully, “Dammit Lamb!”, “I hate you!”, or  “You suck, Lamb!” then it’s open season. And anybody who wants revenge: I am also ticklish.

I’ve been told that I’m a free spirit, but this isn’t entirely true. I simply think of humor from a third person point of view. Even as I am writing this, I am writing keeping in mind how people will react. I do things that are “socially unacceptable” and I do them for humor’s sake. If it’d be funny to hear about somebody tickling the driver, why not do it (other than the obvious safety hazards)? Outlandish things are fantastic to hear about; they cheer people up and make them laugh!
If there’s no bad intentions behind tickling somebody, then there’s nothing wrong with it.

I have no malicious, malevolent or deleterious motives, so it’s no great crime and is typically forgiven. My only motives behind tickling somebody are either for humor’s sake, or to cheer them up from a dreary mood.

I have been called creepy for tickling people, but as I’ve said, there’s no malicious intent and it’s all for humor’s sake. If you don’t understand that this whole blog is a joke, and you still think I’m creepy, you’ve completely missed the point of me writing this and do not understand satirical humor.

It’s very easy to misunderstand my behavior and think that I’ve done something with insidious intent, but it’s all just playfulness. I am a bit ornery, I will admit, but I don’t do anything expressly to upset somebody. Although my bit of mischief and frolicsomeness here and there do cause people to misinterpret my actions horribly.
More on things going amiss next time on Maxx’s Musings!