As twenty of my parents’ closest friends mingle around our kitchen island, it’s the same thing every time: “Oh fun, Ben, you’re developing an app! Sophie, what grade are you in again?”
I’ve been compared to my seventeen-year-old brother Ben and 10-year-old brother Jake my entire life. But the awkward dinner party questions are the worst part.
I never quite know what to reply with, aside from a shrug of the shoulders and maybe a light-hearted “Well, I’ve seen every episode of The Office about seven times!”
After fifteen years of this, it hasn’t gotten any easier, but I’ve found a way to make use of it.
Ben has always had his sights set on being a politician — and an ad man, a lobbyist, maybe writing a book. He could name all the memorials in D.C. before he could string a full sentence together.
He’s one of Harbinger’s EIC’s, developing an app, running a lawn business and a multi-writer blog, the chair of two clubs, senior StuCo treasurer and kicking off a KC community service project.
But hey, I can tell you who won any given season of Love Island and religiously watched Bachelor in Paradise this season.
Although it does suck to have that constant comparison, it motivates me to do greater things in my own life. Ben got a 90.1 in chemistry first semester? I’ll be needing a 91. Ben did well on the ACT? I’ll be needing one point higher, please and thank you.
And at this point, my parents expect this from me. They know I compare myself to Ben’s strengths and assume that I am actively ‘following the leader.’
I won’t lie, it can be stressful. I sometimes get overwhelmed or anxious that I’ll never quite emulate what he does outside East. That’s where Jake comes in.
Jake, my little brother, is loved by literally everyone he meets. He plays jazz on the saxophone, sings Frank Sinatra in the shower and watches Bob Ross on rainy Sunday mornings — with a cup of hot water in hand because he’s not old enough for coffee.
He’s ten, by the way.
He’s the calming aspect in my life that brings me back down when I’m getting caught up in trying to impress everyone — mostly my mom’s facebook friends — the way Ben does.
Although we do get compared a fair amount for our personalities — and the fact that mentally, my 10-year-old brother is about thirty years older than me — I use him as a motivator to stay happy and realize that winning isn’t everything, too.
Coming home from a late night of studying at the Roasterie, it’s always nice to be welcomed by Jake either watching an old Disney show or practicing sax in his room.
But, won’t avoid the awkward comments — “Sophie why aren’t you as cool as Jake”, ”Sophie set your own goals”, “Sure, I’ll come over, but will Jakey be home?” or “Sophie be your own person, don’t follow Ben’s footsteps” I’ve heard them all.
Sure, people are worried about me. But I can manage my own life. Without a role model that has worked so hard and accomplished so much, I wouldn’t be taking honors classes. I wouldn’t be writing for The Harbinger. I probably wouldn’t have a life goal. And if I did, I surely wouldn’t be actively executing it.
While some say it’s unhealthy, I think that my comparisons — though competitive — are motivating and have helped me grow tremendously.
While I do love them, at this point it’s like — Ben’s got his stuff going for him. Jake is amazing in every aspect of personability. What’s my thing?
I guess that’s still what I’m trying to figure out — what sets me apart.