Addie Moore:  Following my sister onto Harbinger has taught me the importance of being myself and using competition to push myself to do better

Being on The Harbinger means many things to me. 

Just to name a few: shouting “welcome to class” over a room full of jerds excitedly flipping through the newest issue, belly laughing over episodes of “MILF Manor” at 2 a.m. with my PDFing crew, sneaking into my friends’ rooms past curfew on J-trips — sorry Tate — and holding back tears when a page has 14 links in RGB have all been core parts of my time on staff.

But one thing stands out among the rest: being on staff with my older sister Peyton. 

Growing up, strangers would ask if Peyton and I were twins despite our two-year age gap.  I’d excitedly jump up and down and say “YES!” as she’d quickly explain she was most definitely older and wiser.

When Peyton got a new white top, I got the pink version two days later. When she made the club volleyball team, I spent hours practicing to hopefully make it one day.

So naturally, when she skipped family dinner to go to deadline for over 10 hours every other Wednesday night doing this thing called “Harbinger,” I mentally began preparing my application two years in advance.

It didn’t matter that I had no interest in writing an editorial and no idea how to even create a text box on InDesign — I just wanted to be Peyton 2.0.

And when she won fifth place National Designer of the Year, my competitive tendencies needed me to get fourth. Spoiler alert: my designs were never that good. 

After joining staff, I spent my first three years picking up Peyton’s awards for her at conventions and overhearing editors rave over her designs. Meanwhile, my pages were being brutally critiqued and I faked my way through writing weekly online stories. 

But at some point, I started to overhear Peyton complimenting my alt copy designs and stating my story that week “wasn’t that bad” — the highest form of compliments from her. 

It wasn’t until she texted me, “Addie that’s so so impressive” after winning second place National Writer of the Year this year that it all clicked. I spent so much time trying to beat my sister in design that I never even considered my writing was more than just decent. 

I was never going to be Peyton. It just wasn’t possible. My success and confidence with Harbinger didn’t come from copying my sister, it came from being me. 

I stopped feeling stuck in her shadow and found confidence in my own work, rather than comparing it all to hers.

So to my favorite person to cry to in the fourth floor bathrooms, my go-to for any Harbinger rant and one of the best designers I know — thank you for inspiring me to be my own person.