Six Irrational Traits of a Sports Fan

I have been a sports fan for years, 18 years to be exact.  Throughout my years as a fan one thing has stuck out to me: sports fans are irrational. Think about it, what is it about being a fan that makes us want to parade through the streets showing off when our team wins when we didn’t even play the game, change the words of our own national anthem or camp out for days to score a few tickets? The whole prospect of fanhood is ridiculous. Here are six irrational traits of a sports fan that I’ve learned, lived and observed over my years as a fan.

Destroying Cities

Every team loses at some point. True sports fans like the followers of the Los Angeles Lakers know that there is only one logical thing to do when this happens: burn the city. Smash windows. Destroy public property. They did this after the NBA Championship loss in 2008.  Now think about this: what if their team wins the championship game?  Then what should they do? Answer: again they should burn the city. Smash windows. Destroy public property. This is what happened after the 2009 and 2010 Championship games. This is how real sports fans celebrate big wins and how they deal with tough losses. This of course makes perfect sense because not only is it the city’s fault if the team won or lost, but smashing windows will make everything better.

Cornhusker Nation

I grew up in a family of Cornhuskers. Yes, Cornhuskers. Not very many people really know what a Cornhusker is but in all seriousness a Cornhusker is a farmer. More precisely, a Cornhusker is a man in red and white Nebraska overalls who husks corn in the fields for hours each day. The fact that I call myself such a ridiculous name shows the sacrifices I have made for my fanhood. True fans know that it is their duty to proudly respond to their teams mascot no matter how ridiculous it may be. Now yes, I live in suburban Prairie Village but feel free to call me a farmer whenever we are talking about sports.

Home of the (Insert Team Here)

“For the Land of the free, and the home of the brave”

Yes, those are the correct words to our national anthem, but try to tell that to sports fans. For the Chiefs fans, it’s “the home of the Chiefs”, and recently Lancer basketball fans have changed the song to “the home of the Hair”. This is just another way that fans show dominance over other teams. Basically we are saying “hey, you’re playing in our stadium so you will sing the song our way…even though it’s our national anthem that’s been sung in America for almost 200 years.”  Real fans think this makes perfect sense, because not only do they think their team is superior to the opposition but also they think their team is more important than American national anthem.A

Freezing Fan

“Being a fan doesn’t mean being there from the beginning it means being there until the end.”That is not at all true.  All sports fans know that you not only have to be there from the beginning, but you actually need to be there way before the beginning if you want to get a good seat.  Now let me ask you this: have you ever been camping? No, I’m not talking out-in-the-woods-pitch-a-tent-and-light-a-fire camping, I mean on-concrete-outside-of-a-basketball-arena camping. Last month, over 250 MU students camped outside Mizzou Arena for over two days leading up to the Border War game vs. KU. These die-hard fans sat out on cold concrete in 40 degree weather for two days waiting to receive tickets to a two-hour game.  This shows exactly how important it is to be early is to irrational sports fans.

Hours of Research

Learning how to do research is crucial to being a good sports fan. Many seniors would rather accept a “C” on their senior papers than do three hours of research for it, yet I know this March at least twenty of my friends will spend ten hours or more over two days researching basketball stats to prepare for the picking of their March Madness brackets.  Not only do ridiculous fans need to do research, but if they are really planning on being a part of the tournament then they also need to download the “NCAA March Madness App” on their iPhone. This way they will be able to watch every single game at once. Intense fans feel like they need to be glued to their phone monitoring their bracket for the full three weeks of the tournament.

Rudeness is a virtue of sports fans.  A sporting event is the only place where you can see a father and son together screaming profanity and insults at another group of people.  This is the only place where it is socially acceptable to do this. Once the game begins, the hatred of the referee is the only thing the fans of the two teams have in common. All words that are usually known as “curse words” are free game when talking about referees. Yes, humans make mistakes, but referees are not allowed to. According to most religions, sins are forgiven; however that policy doesn’t apply to referees.