The Harbinger Online

Maxx’s Musings Chapter Four: Lamb and his Sweets

You do not mess with my sweets. I will either tickle you until you asphyxiate, or rassle you to the ground if you touch my sweets. Although I consider myself a pacifist; that completely changes when food enters the equation. I will protect my gummies and Swiss cake rolls with my life; if anybody asks me however, I am glad to share. I don’t like people stealing my food; it’s the gesture of respecting my food and property that is important.

[media-credit id=2825 align=”alignleft” width=”300″][/media-credit]Just the other day, a pitbull got a whiff of my swiss cake rolls as I was walking home, and he came running after me.

So there I was, eating a swiss cake roll looking that pitbull in the eye, and I could see what he wanted. He wanted my sweets.

I was not gonna just let some dog have my swiss cake rolls, there was no way. He jumped at me, and my natural reaction was, “Oh fudgecicles and cream, a dog!” and I dodged him like a ninja, evading the mutt with my hardcore parkour. The dog started growling, and I could tell he meant business.

The owner came running after him, and was yelling to me not to run, so I stood there, staring down this canine devil. I was ready for a fight. I was going to protect my swiss cake rolls; I paid for them, I was not gonna give them up.

As the owner scurried towards me, panting, he apologized profusely, and leashed his hell-hound. I said that it was alright since he didn’t get any of my swiss cake rolls, but it wouldn’t’ve been had that dog done more than dig its claw into my back.

I would’ve fought that dog to the edge of hell before I gave him my swiss cake rolls. As has been made apparent, I’m a man that enjoys his sweets. I enjoy my sweets so much in fact, I’m usually snacking in all of my classes on gummi bears and oreos. I share them with everybody as long as they ask nicely and don’t try to steal them.

Saying I have a  “sweet tooth” is an understatement; I have a mouth full of sweet teeth.

I am always eating sweets and other food in my classes. I eat everything; asiago bread, oranges, gummies, pizza, oreos, quesadillas, everything. Sharing is caring, so I share and spread the love with food and uber snackage. I will nine times out of ten share whatever I’m eating, but if somebody tries to steal or eat my food without asking, they will be destroyed.

When in class, I’ll often get looks like, “Where did you get that quesadilla?!” or, “I can smell that asiago bread from across the room.” Responding to them haters’ looks, I offer them some of whatever I am eating, but they typically refuse.

Most of my classmate have become accustomed to my constant snacking, but those who haven’t, cause major disruptions. The teacher sometimes points the blame at me, but it’s them haters’ faults that they’re awed by a man eating otis-spunkmeyer cookies in third hour.

The other day in Spanish class, my compatriot stole some of my gummi bears. This is unacceptable. They were given the Maxximum punishment.

They were to be tickled until asphyxiation, but they had the fortune of the teacher asking what I was doing. I explained the situation. We then had a minute-and-a-half argument on why tickling was or wasn’t socially acceptable. More on tickling and why it’s socially acceptable next time!

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