I found my old diary the other day.
My name is written in my fourth grade self’s messy cursive on the green and pink cover. It has one of those itty bitty locks and key to keep unwanted readers away.
I know what you’re thinking: wow, that must bring back all kinds of great memories. And I suppose it would if I had written in it for more than 10 days, and if I had written more than four sentences a page.
But I didn’t. Know why? Because I had the same lack of follow-through back then that I have now.
It’s the reason why I never want to create a bucket list for myself. Sure, it’s a nice idea. Writing down adventurous goals in hopes of completing them before you “kick the bucket,” but I know myself better than that. I know if I give myself a list of lofty goals I will ultimately put them off.
I tried a bazillion different activities while I was growing up and moved on from just about all of them. My mother has been less than pleased to watch me drop voice, piano and guitar lessons. After playing competitive soccer for 11 years, I quit that too. I even had a short modeling and acting stint as a lanky pre-teen.
Honestly the things I’ve actually stuck with are things I’m somewhat obligated to. I haven’t quit my job at a local candy store (yet). They let me eat all of the warm chocolate chip cookies I want and, heck, I need the money. Even though I suffer from self-diagnosed senioritis, I don’t have the luxury of quitting school.
It’s not that I’m lazy –however, my friends who have seen me binge-watch “Scandal” on Netflix might tell you differently — but I have the work ethic and truly enjoy activities I’m involved in for a period of time. It’s just that I have the tendency to want to try anything and everything.
I wish I could change this about myself. I can’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy while watching the Lancer Dancers perform, knowing if I had stuck with dance maybe I could be doing the same. My theater career peaked as the lead in the middle school musical, so when I go to watch productions put on by East, it’s hard not to be a tad remorseful.
High school has presented even more opportunities to be involved and try new things.
But as former East teacher, John Nickels said at the start of my freshman year: “Welcome to high school: where you can’t do it all.”
This statement may be true, but it doesn’t mean I haven’t tried to do it all. Honestly, by the time you finish reading this blog post I’ll probably have taken up yoga or joined a book club.
Finding my old, incomplete diary was fairly timely. It’s a new year, and my number one resolution is to follow-through with the things I start.