I think I subconsciously, or maybe even consciously, attempt to disguise my weaknesses. Most of you see me and see what I can do, not what I can’t; and that is exactly what I want.
I guess I fake the things I can do to make them seem more grandiose and laugh at the things I can’t.
To put it into perspective, I’d probably lose an arm wrestling match with a two year old and lifting anything over one or two pounds is a real workout. The short list of the the things I can do for myself weighs much less than the list of what others do for me; I can feed myself but I can’t put food on my plate, I can drink out of a cup but I can’t pour liquids into a cup, I can do my makeup but not my hair, I can brush my teeth but I can’t put toothpaste on the brush. Essentially, I rely on others in every aspect of my day.
So now you will understand why people (sometimes even myself) think I am absolutely out of my mind for wanting and fully intending on going to college thousands of miles away.
Most high school juniors and seniors are stressed about getting into college or paying for college, and trust me I am, but I have to think a couple steps ahead and stress about literally surviving college.
My life, wherever I end up will be planned out to the tee. My dorm room will be specialized, I will have accommodations in those grand lecture halls, the sidewalks I take from class to class will (hopefully) be shoveled and so on and so on. But most significantly, I will need close to around the clock care. I will have to have people on call and people who meet me in certain locations, just to replace what the people of lovely Kansas City have done for me for so many years.
So, yes, I’m scared, maybe even terrified of leaving the only home I’ve ever known and the only support and care system I’ve ever relied on. But I think I fear not trying even more.