The Harbinger Online

Blog: Written and Unwritten

Next year, I will be in film school. Which film school, exactly, is still undecided, but I know for a fact all of my time will be spent studying the art of screenwriting. To this day, I have finished one screenplay in my entire life.Well, two, I guess. But I don’t count the first one because it is so awful that I literally vomit every time I go back and re-read it. (Ok, that’s obviously not literal, but you understand where I’m coming from).

Don’t get me wrong, when I finished my second screenplay, I was ecstatic and extremely proud of myself. However, that pride is nearly lost when I look back on the fact that I have started over twenty screenplays since my high school career began and I’ve only completed one.

That fact terrifies me. It makes me incredibly nervous for my future. Screenwriting is the only career I’ve ever seen myself having. And the fact that I can only finish one in twenty scripts is incredibly distressing.

I keep telling myself that if I’m in a job situation in which I’m given a deadline and a pay check, I’ll be able to stick with a piece long enough to actually finish it. But then I psyche myself out again by considering the fact that I would just finish it to finish it, instead of finishing it because I’m emotionally attached to the plot line or have formed a bond with the characters.

The fact that I can’t finish a screenplay is bothersome in and of itself, but the fact that my entire future depends on my ability to actually complete a piece is what really gets to me. I have discovered my potential downfall, and as high school draws to an end, it’s really starting to get to me.

I write every day and every day I’m reminded just how uncertain my future is. But then I remember I’m just a seventeen-year-old kid in high school. With the exception of a few geniuses and a handful of sports prodigies, everyone around me is in the same situation. And even though I’m terrified of seeing how my future pans out, it’s that knowledge that relieves me and keeps me from elapsing into a panic attack every time I think about college. I may be nervous for the future, but what kid isn’t at this point?

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